Mental Health: How I burst my myths?
by ramesh ramalingam
For someone who grew up in a village, words like depression, disorder, or mental health were rare and only heard in movies or the news. I wasn’t an exception until my mom was diagnosed with major depression disorder. Though this changed my perspective to some extent, I still believed that it was rare.
But when I got into mental health issues, I realized that a lot of my beliefs about mental health were just misconceptions. My recovery journey helped me to break a lot of myths I had earlier. I shared a glimpse of my journey along with some of the learnings.
Realization
While caring for my mom and helping with her issues, I was busy between office and house chores. I thought I was leading a normal life. But during a one-to-one meeting with one of the managers, he suddenly asked, Are you okay? Are you feeling burned out? Initially, I was shocked that he did ask that question. But that question showed me someone who was hiding behind my daily busy life, someone who was suffering because of stress and depression.
Initially, I struggled to understand how I missed recognizing my state despite being a caregiver and often visiting professionals for my mom. In retrospect, I found some of the reasons for oversight.
- I never spent quality time in retrospecting myself.
- Whenever I felt it hard, I assumed that it was normal and everyone goes through this.
- Even when I wanted to talk, I did not know how or whom to talk to.
Resurrection
Though it was such a long journey, it started with a simple step. After I realized that I was going through mental health issues and needed help, I was clueless for a while about where and how to ask for it. Luckily, my company had an Employee Assist Program. I dialed and discussed my issues. They helped me with initial support and guided professional help.
Initially, I was reluctant to discuss this with my family and was afraid of how they would react. But unlike I feared, they understood me and have been very supportive. This encouraged me a lot, and I continued discussing it, and they aligned themselves to help me come out.
Keeping a sound mind is not a one-time activity but a continuous process. Like driving on a highway, to keep us on track, we must continuously retrospect and align as required. I shared some of my learnings below that would be helpful in your journey
When you go through hard times or you think so
Talk to others
Sharing heals. It relaxes and builds faith in us. I prefer anyone from my closer circle. It can be anybody you trust. They may be from your family, friends, or even someone from your workplace. The common mistake is delaying and blaming that we do not have anyone to understand us. But it is better to talk to somebody than wait for the right person. Most of the time, we won’t know who will be the right person until we start sharing. Some simple tricks I follow.
- Do not delay.
- Talk to anyone whoever is available in your circle.
- Explain what you go through. Do not interpret.
Ask for help
Usually, we are too shy to ask for help. We are afraid of being judged. But it didn’t change anything in my experience. On the contrary, everyone was supportive, and they tried whatever was possible to help me.
Another common mistake is underestimating the issue and overestimating our ability to solve it. Until my manager asked whether I was okay, I assumed that I was normal. I thought my issues were usual ones that could be fixed easily. But when I retrospected, I realized that I was wrong and I needed help.
It is better to seek professional help as soon as possible than wait for it to grow big enough to explode. Nowadays, most companies provide “Employee Assist programs.” It is the best place to start. If you do not have that option, we (in India) have government-run programs like Tele MANAS (an Indian government initiative). You can reach them by dialling 14416 or 1-800 8914416 for help.
Be kind to yourself
The greatest gift we have is ourselves. But unfortunately, we never realize this or delay it a lot. We usually undervalue the gifts we didn’t ask for. Our mind and body sit on top of that list.
As our mind is invisible, we care the least. But like our body, mind also needs good food to stay healthy. Self-appreciation is one such protean-rich food. But we get confused about how and when to appreciate ourselves. I insist that you should appreciate your every action. Usually, we see success or failure as the possible outcomes of any action, but there is a third and more important outcome, which is the learning we get.
Be it a success or failure, we should learn to celebrate our learning. It helps to appreciate every action, irrespective of the outcome. We don’t need to compare ourselves with anybody else. Because each one of us is unique, and we learn something, which makes everything we do a success.
When somebody asks for help
Being in a country like India, which has strong traditional beliefs and a treatment gap of more than 80 percent1, we should have basic awareness about mental health, especially when someone approaches for help. Based on my experience caring for my mom over a decade, I have shared some of my learnings below.
Just listen
Unjudgmental and uninterruptive listening is an effective way to convey to the person that you care. Most of the time, they need somebody to hear what they go through and show compassion, nothing more.
During the initial days, my discussions with my mom were a disaster. I was clueless and blaming my mom; why didn’t she accept rational solutions? But I slowly understood that she never wanted the solution but somebody to listen and understand what she was going through. Once I understood this, things changed quickly between us. It helped both of us a lot.
It’s okay2
Some words are magical. It is one of them. It heals and soothes their pain, especially when we hear it from the ones we respect and value most. If somebody chooses to share their suffering with you, it means that they respect and value you most.
At some point in time, people start to think that even the common issues are unsolvable and happen only to them. This word helps them to relax and come out of the self-blame trap.
Don’t blame yourself
As an amateur, we should be aware of our limits to help the person who is in need. Especially when the person is our closer one, we are emotionally bound and desperate to help them. When we are unable to help them, we start blaming ourself. This will sometimes lead to bad mental health. So always be aware of what we could help and guide them to get professional help.
Key Takeaway
You are unqie. Appriciate and celebrate everything you do. There is no failure. Either it is success or small success3, because there something to learn in every outcome. You do not wait to be happy until the life is hard anymore. Start celebrating yourself now on.
Books which helped me
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
The Happiest Man on Earth by Eddie Jaku
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
References
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